Why

Why do I have such little self control????

I've been eating so much it is beyond words. And because of my eating I'm feeling sooooo guilty and sooo mad. 

Like I finally lost the weight after a long time of ups and downs and now my weight is fluctuating AGAIN. 

When will I be able to STOP eating so much and actually control myself?????

That's it, I'm sick of this fluctuation. Shall write a meal plan here so I will have to stick with it.

Breakfast: a cup of water

A cup of coffee

Lunch: a cup of water

A cup of coffee

An apple

A seaweed 

Dinner: a cup of water

An apple

Egg whites

Snacks: 4 candies.

I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY FOOD OFFERED.

I WILL DECLINE FOOD.

I WILL NOT SURROUND MYSELF WITH FOOD.

I WILL EXERCISE.

So yes that's it, tomorrow I will follow this. I'll think of another meal plan for sat and sun.

Took so many laxatives again. If I follow this meal plan tmr I will not take any laxatives or take 10 only. Yup, my promise to myself.

In the mean time I'll have to bring my fat ass to go swim or maybe skip depends.

Skipping burns loads of kcal. I think I will skip.

I hope I won't fail tomorrow. I can't fail.

Sigh, school sucks so badly too.

I miss him, he talked to me today but I don't know how to reply. I don't deserve happiness.

It's my punishment for being such a failure.

I hope I will break this fluctuation and finally lose some weight again. 

Wish me luck.