Bad luck

I'm basically going through one of my horrible times ever.

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed but I have recently gone MIA everywhere.
I'm not returning texts neither am I socially active on my social network sites.

Unfortunately, my sudden disappearance is of no concern to anyone. I honestly doubt anyone has noticed.

Well, the reason why I've gone MIA is because I dropped my phone in the toilet bowl. Yes, I know in the damn fucking toilet bowl. How it happened? I just decided it will be fine to put my phone in my back pocket and use the damn toilet. Fuck. This is making me so pissed off.

Adding to that I have gone without my phone for 3 days and I honestly am quite fine with it except for the fact I had to contact people to make plans.
Not sure when I will get a new phone, it is basically so hard to ask for something from him in my house hold. Wanted to ask him today but he seemed in a bad mood.

Anyways, besides the dropping of phone, I've gone OUT OF CONTROL EATING!!!! I CANT STOP EATING IDK WHY AND I AM EXASPERATED WITH THAT FACT.

probably gained back 1.5kg of weight. I'll confirm tomorrow morning, took 180 laxatives in total today, new high.

Honestly at this point of time I wish I was dead, I mean with the damage I've done to my body I might as well die and save future medical expenses right?

Everything is just going downhill for now.only thing I can do is to eat lesser, planned out a schedule for today and tomorrow so I won't binge or anything...

I WILL COMPLY TO IT, IT IS TIME FOR ME TO LOSE WEIGHT. Talking about weight, I have a noticed a trend, I would restrict lose weight. Binge gain some back then restrict again and lose even more. Guess I am at my binge phase now. But I've eaten so mucho have practically exhausted my cravings for food, or maybe this uncomfortable in my stomach is making me lose my appetite. Whatever it is, it is good as I have no appetitie I and just thinking about food which I need to stop to.

Ps if you were wondering, I'm typing this post on my mothers iPad and it is 2.53am. Still not asleep due to the effects of laxatives. Please let my weight be below 38.5 tomorrow. Oh god. She'll try to sleep a while not and stop bullshittiing
Till the next time' wish mr luck

Control

Control.

I have no fucking control

Just as things go well, I lose it. I start eating so much and gaining back all the weight that I have successfully been losing.

Back up at 38.+kg. fuck.

TOMORROW I WILL START AGAIN, I WILL GO BACK TO MY RESTRICTIVE DIET. 

Will be 35kg by January no matter what.

Best of course would be if I could be lesser.

I hope everything gets better and I STOP EATING. Gona go tumlring everytime I wana eat. Promise to myself and no more than 500kcal a days

P.S i haven't been exercising:( will start exercising again ASAP!!!!!!

Better post soon. 

Abrupt end. Extremely hate myself for having no control.

Fuck, I will get back my control!!!!

Accomplishment

As contradicting this title is to my previous title, these few days has been with accomplishments.

1. I managed to not take any laxatives yesterday (6-7 November) 

Stomach was bloated plus grumbling though.

2. Weight has successfully been below 39kg throughout and my lowest now is 37.8

3. Haven't a gotten past the 38.8 mark^^

4. Got $100 as reward for being top in geography

5. Boss noticed my weight loss

6. Customer told me to eat more because I was skinny

7. Friend noticed I was skinny

8. Haven't had a proper meal + intake has been little

Short post here to fill up this blank place.

Will do a proper post when I'm not so tired and worn out. 

Bye for now as I continue embarking on this weight loss journey

Back

So sorry that I haven't been updating much.

No I'm not sorry to the readers, sorry to myself for being unable to keep such a simple promise.

Anyways, these few days has been good and bad?

Got down to my lowest of 38kg. Have been eating generally less? But it still seems like I'm eating waaaaay too much.... But I've managed to lose weight...

Haven't been exercising cause I got sick....

Well, I just feel hated and blah. Idk . 

I don't know anything. I shall go tumblr now. It's been a while there too.